2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
