I'm drive I can fine osifer
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
