Quick, to the slutcave!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
