shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
