He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
