Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
