She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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