It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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