I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
