I faked an abortion last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
