This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
