listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am spending my child support on dildos
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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