Welp...herpes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
