I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
