why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
