omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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