Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
