Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
