Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
