You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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