You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
