The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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