Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
