Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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