I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
