I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
