waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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