so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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