so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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