Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
