It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
