i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
