his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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