I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
