Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
