from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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