Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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