Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
