Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
