Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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