two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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