She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
