you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
