Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
