when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
