I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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