I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
