So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
