you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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