Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
