Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
