It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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