I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
