I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
